When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
Siren's Song
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
I really don't have time for this. Many times today I suppressed the urge to faithfully post my blog entry a la quotidian. But here I am, sipping my third mug of Diet Coke (with lemon) in succession, fingers on the fly trying to untangle a meshwork of pensive thoughts and subsequently weave them into a haphazard tapestry of words. A torn and tattered piece of work, no doubt, but I'm too drugged still to do anything about it.
Skipped Brain pract today. I was all dressed and ready to go. Blame it all on the pesky runny rose I had this morn. Took yellow Clarinase-like tablets and totally and completely conked out. It hit me... hit me... hit me like... a what? I can't really remember. Because I knew what hit me, I was already on my bed, in a state of vegetation. God knows what hit me. I really should have taken just one tablet, silly bimbo me. The first one was crushed, so I thought if I just took the powdered one I won't have a complete "one", just part of it, but not a whole tablet. Then the bimbo inside me took over and popped a second pill, thinking that anything less than two is not an overdose. After all, I've downed twenty-something of those stuff before.. why should two matter?
I can still feel the numbness at the back of my head. It's like drinking one too many shots. Yet, it's not the silly happy kinda drunk, but more of a zonk-out under a huge dose of muscle relaxant. Gee, I can hardly feel my arm as I type.
Arm. Vic and Ying commented that my veins look especially blue today. Spiderwebbily colourful are my arms. The former was like going "Whoa! What happened to your arm?"
And I replied in that inebriated mouth-not-fully-open voice "What's wrong?"
"Your arm la.. machiam like kena abused!"
Hm.. honto ka? I didn't realize. But they do look more obvious than usual. Could something have happened when I sank into oblivion? Could I have *gasp* done something to myself without knowing?
Doinks. What da. What in the world possessed me to even think along those lines?
- Jimmie runs off to get her fourth mug of diet coke -
Exam fever. I wonder how many fortunate souls have caught it yet. I say to be able to start mugging is a blessing. Each time I ponder over the hindrance of my endless term papers and project presentations, alarm bells start ringing and my body threatens to morph into a green, monstrous Incredible Sulk.
Unkind words sting more than ever now.
You have tests. You need to study for your tests. That I understand and duely accept. But I've got a humongous amount of work to do too, do you roger that? I traded in tests for endless term papers and a mind-boggling number of projects. Do you comprehend my share of the plight that everyone's going through at this time?
"Wah rao! You're on XXX leh!"
Thanks. But really, you shouldn't associate XXX with the ability to deal with more work, especially when it's GROUP work, and that, according to you, you've hardly written anything at all. I know what you're going through now, with that lab module and all. I'm not complaining either. I just don't need to hear another cutting comment on how some students should live up to a certain mark and all.
On another note, have you tasted fear before, my friend? Fear of falling from grace. Fear of tumbling down like... a barrel of water. Gonk gonk gonk gonk. Plonk! Splat. Splash. Right now, I'm freaked out. Still, what's there to do, but to face the world with a =).
=)
I hate to look dead calm. Because I'm really messed up inside.
